(No, this is not a heartwarming movie starring Dennis Quaid and a Labrador Retriever. This is a blog written by my dog, which I shall immediately regret agreeing to publish.)
Also, I kind of need some Advise and I was thinking you could help me with it. I herd Mom and Dad talking the other day and Mom was saying (again!!!) how they really should move to a new Howse, but then Dad said they tried that once and it didn’t work, and so that was a sign that he was supposed to stay in his comfy room with all his HObbies and his steeming videos for the rest of his life. And that's When Mom said how she could arrange for a hit man if necessary.
So now I'm a little scared. I don't think Mom rilly would Hire someone to hit Dad, even if she had a creepy smile when she said it, but I may end up having to decide which of them I want to live with if she moves away! And here is my thinking on this.
First, I don't think either of them would do very Good without the other of them, because Dad and Mom are in charge of different Things in the howse. Like, if I lived only with Dad, he would never have clean Clothes because he is scared of the Washing Mashine and the Drying Mashine. And if I lived only with Mom, all her Plates and Glassis would be crusty because she is afraid of the Dishwashing Mashine. She would also never have soap or paper towels or toilet paper because Dad is a very good hunter-and-gatherer and Mom is afraid of Costco.
But I'm not really so worried about them. I'm worried about ME!! Here's why, for an example. If Mom was not around, OUTSIDE would disappear! This is a true fact. Dad does not like to be in OUTSIDE exsept for at Costco, where he is very brave, or when he goes out to kill little white balls with his clubbing sticks. And no OUTSIDE means that I would not get any walks, which also means that there would be little poops and pee stains all around the howse. (Akshully, I think Dad and I would both be okay with that because we'd just pretend we don't see them, which is kind of what we do now.)
But if I was living only with Mom, I would starve and die because another true fact is that she always forgets to feed me and give me water.Dad does that. And Dad is also the one who sneeks me treats and string cheese and beef jerky all the time until Mom tells him to stop or I’ll get fat. But you know what? Fat would be okay, too, because then I'd have a nice round tummee just like Dad!! And speaking of tummees, if Dad was not here I wouldn't get those yummly belly rubs and skritches because Mom doesn't know how to do those good. And she gets bored of it too fast. But Dad NEVER gets bored of it!
Of course, one thing I WOULD miss if Mom was not here is the rilly good smells she makes when she's sitting and thinking in the special sitting-and-thinking room, the one with the sink and the neat white chair with all the water inside. I always like to go in next to her when she's thinking and just sniff. Dad shuts the door when he's thinking, but I bet he makes nice smells, too. And I bet I could train him to leave the door open. PROBLIM SOLVED!
(To read about Cassie's final decision, click page 2)
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