NEVER GIVE THAT MOUSE A COOKIE!!

I'm sure almost all of you who read this blog remember the delightful children's book, If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. You probably read it to your children, and may now be reading it to your grandchildren. 

The book is about a mouse who gets a cookie (obviously) but who then requires a glass of milk, and then a straw, and then a napkin and then… You get the idea. It's absolutely charming. 

Except it isn't. You see, sheltering at home and looking for ways to keep busy have given me an entirely new take on this book, one that is darker and much more sinister. I now see it as a tale of obsession, or perhaps the inability to ever be satisfied. In other words, it reminds me of me. 

For example…   

IF YOU GIVE A BON A PROJECT 

If you give a Bon a project…like freshening the upstairs bathroom… she will decide a bright coat of paint will do the job quite nicely! 

But once she paints the bathroom, she’ll start thinking about getting new shower curtains to match the nice, bright paint. 

And when she starts thinking about getting new shower curtains, she’ll have to visit many, many websites to find the very prettiest one! 

And after she orders roughly a million shower curtains and holds them next to the bright new paint on the walls, she'll finally choose one with a lovely spring green fabric and pale stripes and delicate white flowers. 

But after she chooses the lovely spring-green shower curtain, she’ll start thinking, “I'd better look for pretty towels to match the pretty shower curtain!” 

And after she visits many, many websites again, she’ll order maybe TWO million towels because, hey, it's not like her ability to make a decision has improved. 

And after she chooses the towels, she'll realize that all of the bathroom accessories look pretty old and sort of sad and that she needs to get new ones. 

But when she starts looking at accessories, she’ll get very pissed because she really, really likes the Angelou 5-piece Bathroom Accessory Collection. Except it doesn't match the towels! 

And because that collection does not really match the towels, she’ll have to choose new towels so that they match the accessories. And when all that is done, she'll realize, “Whoops! I forgot that the window curtains need to match, too!” 

But when she shops for window curtains, none of them look nice with the shower curtain and the towels and the accessories and the paint. And at that point she'll finally say to herself, "Screw it, I'm not going to go through all THAT again," so she decides to order another spring-green shower curtain and turn it into a regular curtain, which she thinks is pretty damn clever of her. 

But when she decides to turn a shower curtain into a regular curtain, she’ll have to go to JoAnns to get seam tape and a curtain rod and curtain hangers (and earring backings as long as she’s there, and maybe a couple of pictures that might work in the bathroom…) 

And after she does all that, you’d think she’d let herself relax for a couple of days, but NO, now she’s frickin’ obsessed, so she starts making the curtains and screwing in the curtain rod, and hanging the curtains, and putting up the pictures (which she’ll probably return). 

And then she'll finally be all done, and she'll survey the bathroom proudly, at which time her mind will start wandering to the bedroom, which of course is a whole 'nother project! 

BUT…IF YOU GIVE A BON A PROJECT...