A FAREWELL TO QUARANTINE

I knew it was too good to last.

 

Governor Pritzker, my hero, made me a happy woman a few months ago by forcing me to stay home and watch Netflix. Yes, I know I recently wrote about my quarantine failures, but on the whole I was quite content. Sadly, he who giveth (gaveth?) also taketh away. Illinois is loosening restrictions, and I am being forced to confront some unsettling realities.

• The gyms are opening, so I will no longer have an excuse not to exercise.

• Beaches are accessible, so I may feel obligated to squeeze into a swimsuit. If I do, please avert your eyes. For your own sake. 

• More and more restaurants will have inside as well as outside dining, which means I will no longer be able to use my newly acquired culinary talent--knowing all the delivery people by name. It also means I will still be gaining weight, but I will be spending significantly more money to do so.

• My husband's weekly card games will soon return, and I may therefore never see him again. 

• I will never find out what happens on Ozark.

• Small gatherings are now allowed, which means I will no longer be able to easily avoid some people that I really, really liked being able to easily avoid.

• When we meet in the aforementioned small groups, it will require that I put on clothes and drive somewhere. And unfortunately, I have lost the inclination to do either.

It's really quite depressing. After all, I'm the kind of person who looks forward to winter because I can get into my pajamas at 4:30 and begin watching TV. On the other hand, I suppose there are silver linings. Like, oh, shopping for clothes again.

 

Too bad I hate shopping.