THE BEAR AND I:TWENTY YEARS FROM NOW

So, my husband and I recently celebrated our wedding anniversary. And since we've been married over forty years and have been told we're kind of adorable together--I mean, I still call him Fuzzy Bear--we decided that it might be really, really nice if we could be together for at least twenty more!

But then I had a dream. It was 20 years in the future. Only…we weren't in the little villa we'd talked about buying. Or in a condo in the city soaking up culture. Or even in Denver, where the kids keep threatening to move with the grandkids.

Nope. We were at Sedgebrook Senior Living Community. 

In my dream, we were in the dining room. I have gray hair--after all, Why the hell should I waste good money on a dye job every six weeks?--and I’m wearing a pink jogging suit. My husband has NO hair, except for what’s sprouting from his ears and nose, and he's wearing a pajama top he's convinced is a shirt.  (Though, to be fair, that happens a lot now, too.) And we’re talking in big print because we’re old. 

ME: Hmmm. So, what are we gonna have to eat? 

 

HIM: We’re having beets? I don’t like beets. 

No. Eat. What do you want to eat? 

You can smell my feet? 

Turn up your damn hearing aid! 

You lost an earring? 

NO, I DIDN’T…. Never mind. Just look at the menu. Wait. Where are my glasses? 

Who has nice asses? Hold on, I need to turn up this damn hearing aid. Okay, so who has nice asses? 

No, I said, where are my glasses? 

On your head. 

How long have they been there? Oh, wait, I meant to tell you! They’re going to be showing Godfather in the social hall tonight. 

Godfather was last month.

No, I don’t think so. Wait, look over there. Isn't that... 

Yeah, it’s Laren and Marlene. 

They look nice. We should try to meet them. 

It’s Laren and Marlene! We’ve known them for 60 years. Laren was best man at our wedding. 

Oh, Laren and Marlene! Maybe if I could see them better… I’ll put on my glasses. Hmmm. Where are my glasses? 

Still on your head. 

Oh, okay, that’s better. Now, who are those people? 

Laren and Marlene, gah-dammit!! 

Don’t yell! You know I've never been good with faces. Maybe they’d like to see a movie with us tonight. Did I tell you they’re showing Godfather in the social hall? 

Yeah, and I told you, that was LAST MONTH! 

I don’t think so. Now, where are my glasses? 

You’re wearing them!!!!! Look, I don’t want any dinner. I got a poker game in a few minutes. 

You always have a poker game! Morning, noon, and night you have a poker game. You can skip this one. 

I can’t. They can’t have a game without me. 

You always say that, and yes they can. They’ll find someone in two seconds. This place is crawling with old farts playing poker. 

I DON'T CARE. I WANNA PLAY POKER!! 

You’re not going. 

Yes I am! 

No, you're not.

I’M GONNA PLAY POKER AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME!  

Oh yes, I can! I have the key to your scooter. 

GAH-DAMMIT!

That's when I woke up. I told my husband about the dream. And we've decided to see how the next few years go before committing to another twenty.